An Unexpected Source of Joy
Thanks for the message, thanks for showing that you still care. It is funny how you can still bring a smile to my face with the simplest of gestures. Thanks really for brightening up a relatively crappy week. Thanks my dear girl.... :)
It funny how I have learnt some of life's most important lessons from the strangest of sources. Yesterday as I waiting for the bus on my way back home, there was this black cat perched on a ledge above the bus stop. Initially I didn't take too much notice of it, I so often see cats my neighbor has like a dozen or so. Then this guy probably around my age went up to the cat and started stroking it. The cat seemed so happy purring and cuddling up towards his arm. Soon after a girl arrived at the bus stop and she took notice of the cat too. By now the guy had left and the girl took some pictures of the cat and started stroking it too. The cat immediately jumped of the ledge and cuddled up at her feet. Somehow that still, that one scene seemed so heartwarming.
Fast forward to this morning. We were walking off to play soccer in camp and we saw this cat lying really still under a tree. Assuming that it was probably sleeping we carried on with our game. At the end of the game someone commented that the cat hadn't moved. Upon closer inspection the poor guy was dead.
I wondered if anyone had bothered to pat and stroke the cat like the one at the bus stop. Did the cat purr with happiness and satisfaction before it died? The act of stroking the cat was a simple and easy one but yet seemed to bring immense happiness and comfort.
Many times I look for complicated and extravagant ways of making those around me happy that I tend to forget that in the simplest of actions one experiences the purest of emotions. The simple act of sending me a message to show she still cared made me so happy. Well I hope I can find it in me to appreciate the beauty of a simple phone call, a hug, a message, even just a smile and share them abundantly with those I care for.
A Painful Entry
I've tried my best to be nice to you guys. I have sacrificed a lot of personal time and stuff so that I can be there for you'll, for your parties and stuff. I have tried my best to be a good friend, yes I have made my mistakes and I do apologies for them, but on the whole my intentions have been good. I don't ask much as a friend from you'll but whatever little I have asked for you guys can't respect. I try my best to make it for all your events but sometimes I just cant and you guys cant get that and just bitch about my attitude. Look my family takes priority and I will cancel on any friend if a family thing crops up and sometimes I just don't like your plans that's why I don't join in. You'd rather I come and be a wet blanket?
But what annoys me the most is all the gossiping going on around my back. I've told most of you'll how much I hate it and yet I discover everyday from new people that you'll just don't have the decency to respect my feelings. What makes the pain even greater is that you'll are supposed to be my good friends people I have trusted with things closest to my heart and you all have twisted and turned it into vicious gossip. Yes I am blessed in many ways and I thank God for that, but I always am willing to share with all of my friends, so please don't expect me to be sorry for my blessings.
I have made a decision and its a painful one. I have decided I shall distance myself from you people, some of you'll read this some of you'll don't, for some time. I know you all will have your reasons, excuses whatever but honestly I am not interested right now. Gossip has wrecked my life before and I am not willing to let it happen again. I just want some peace and tranquility in my life. So please just give me that for the time being.
Opinions
' We are defined by our actions, not just our words '
The Pope has passed on and the world has lost a great man, a man of morals, a man of peace, a man of compassion and most importantly a man of God. We all have our opinions of him and his role in modern society and for me he has been a beacon of love and compassion in a world torn by struggle. With a bowed head I say a quiet pray that God will welcome him into his kingdom, and I will have the courage to be more like him, and more like Christ.
What interested me as I watched all the documentaries about him was how many people said his only flaw was to be too conservative. His strong stand against contraception, against gays, women in the priesthood were criticized for being too conservative and retarding the growth of the church. Why do we as humans seek so hard to be reassured of our choices, even we though that when we made them others objected to them.
As a catholic I personally disagree with the church's stand on certain issues one of which is the use of artificial contraception. Personally I feel that in a world filled with anger and pain the need for intimacy, physical and emotional, is great. I think sex for the sake of enjoyment and intimacy and with no intent of conception is perfectly fine. The use of condoms in the prevention of Aids is another reason I believe that artificial contraception is fine. Yes abstinence is the best form of prevention but condoms are a relatively decent safety net I guess. Somehow I can appreciate the church and the pope's stand on the matter. He said that making artificial contraception easily available will trivialize and cheapen the sacredness of sex. Despite my disagreement I am appreciative that the church has stuck to its stand and not swayed and given in to pressure. My upbringing has thought me the church's stand, and coupling that along with my daily experiences I have formed my own opinions and views. I do not think they are neither right nor wrong, rather they are just a personal opinion.
Many times my friends ask me for my opinion on certain things they have done and plan to do and myself have burden my friends with such inquires. More often than not we are not seeking an opinion but rather a affirmation of what we have done or plan to do. When I don't agree with my friends' actions he'll probably spend the whole day trying to sell it to me, seeking my support.
Maybe we shouldn't be so dependent on what others think of us. We should learn, and myself very much included, to take the opinions of others and along with our own make an informed decision and be willing to live with whatever consequence that may ensue.
Boy
I want to be 6 again where every mistake I made was brushed away.'He's too young to know better, poor boy don't get angry with him.' I want to be a boy again being a man isn't as great as I had anticipated. I have to take responsibility I am liable for everything that I do or say and I have to bear the consequences. When I was a young boy everything seemed so perfect life was good, filled with nothing but smiles. Now tears seem to fill the void left by the smile that one beamed from cheek to cheek. I wish my life wasn't so complicated at times. I wish I could just be contented with the simple things but I know I can't, I have built myself to want and yearn for the best and never to settle for anything less. I want so badly to achieve so much in my life, but is it going to make me happy? This purist of success has made me a very blessed man in the eyes of many and yet my life seems so hollow and meaningless. I am missing something from my life which I have tried to fill with everything I can think of, religion, money, partying, girls oh well I know seems weird putting religion with the rest but yes I have tried everything but nothing fills that void. Maybe I am the only one who can fill it. My contentment is all that can fill it. I just want to laugh again like a little kid a laugh that comes from the bottom of my heart a smile that just beams across my face with the least of reason. I want to be a boy again.
'Maxima debetur puero reverentia'
