ORD LOH!
The time is almost here. The end is upon me. The chapter will be closed and a new one opened. I am really happy that I am done with my army, for now at least. I finally have the time to do the stuff I wanted to, and no that isn't clubbing excessively cause I am honestly bored of that. Well but the surprising thing is that underneath the happiness I actually feel kinda sad leaving. There are many things I am going to miss about the army but nothing more than the people I have meet there.
I guess I have been sheltered through out my school life. I went to reputable schools and although there were the occasional weirdos I generally mixed with like minded people. People who had life paths similar to mine, walking the same roads, with roughly the same goals.
In the army I have meet people who have been in and out of jail for all sorts of crimes and surprisingly they aren't the monsters that society makes them out to be. Yes they have done stuff which are wrong and criminal, well some of them are seriously screwed up in the mind, but the majority of them committed their crimes in a moment of pure stupidity and some out of desperate need. If given a chance they are actually nice people, good friends who are filled with a lot of remorse and regret for their past. If I was still in school I probably would never be given the chance to meet such people cause we are brainwashed by teachers, parents and many others that these people are monsters that should be avoided at all cost. I guess now thanks to the army I would be more willing to give these people a second chance, a chance to prove they have changed for the better.
Basically I think the army has forced me to interact with an varied mix of characters. Previously I could choose my friends, choose my cliques. In the army I have had learn to work and cooperate with others, even those I normally wouldn't hang out with. I guess I have changed a lot in the army I have matured for sure, but on some levels I think I have become a more cynical person.
I think what I am trying to say is that we tend to judge people too soon. We tend to form an opinion of someone even before we meet them, based on what others have to say. When we hear someone is an ex convict we immediately think of him as a bad person and would treat him as such. This I feel is very very unfair. Everyone deserves a fair chance to prove themselves. I myself am guilty many times of forming opinions of people I don't even know but I hope I can change now that I realize my mistakes.
Love
'There's no greater love than this, that a man should give his life for a friend'
It is so common these days to hear couples who have been together a matter of days to claim to deeply love each other. Is this true love I wonder? I personally have been in my fair share of relationships and can honestly say that I probably have never really been in love or at least realized it when I was with her. So then I wonder what really is love? The quote above is the ideal, a Christ like unconditional love we can all probably strive towards but very unlikely to achieve.
Love ask not, but gives unconditionally. It is so hard in reality to practice this. When we love someone we raise them up on a pedestal and so our expectations of them are raised. When someone we love behaves out of character and hurts you, your love for that person is replaced by fustration and disappointment. Well this is only human right? How can we continue to love someone who shows little or no desire to reciprocate our love? Maybe it is human behavior to react as such but it isn't the ideal.
I know I myself am guilty of this many times. When someone betrays me I just stop caring for that person totally and at times, I try to find ways to get back at them. It's time I change, it's time I learn to turn the other cheek. The world as it is, is a cold place and I shouldn't be the one making it any worse. Maybe by loving those who hurt me they will see the goodness in my intentions and change. I know this isn't going to be easy to do and I pray dear God for the strength.
When you choose to love someone aren't you suppose to accept them for the person that they are. Love their beauty but also accept their shortcomings, love the person they are and not the person you want them to be.
Refresh?
A close buddy asked me if I'd the chance to life my live all over again would I do things differently.
There have been so many special, happy and even magical moments in my life that I would give up a lot to experience again but yet there have been many instances of unbelievable pain and heartache. So if given the chance would I not make the same mistakes again, not let myself be hurt and never hurt like I have?
After talking to my buddy I spent sometime reminiscing and realized that I have made some very, very stupid and immature decisions in my life. I have hurt people very dear to me, ruined fantastic relationships and turned friendships sour. But would I change it?
All these actions caused not just myself but others an immense amount of pain, yet somehow I feel I am better off because of them. I see it along the lines of learning things the hard way. I know that because of what I have done and it consequences I would never ever repeat them. The pain has somehow been etched onto my heart and I will never want to feel it again or curse another with it.
I know I am still going to mistakes. I am going to get hurt and I am going to hurt but I hope that I would never repeat the mistakes of my past.
As I approach my 21st I hope I have matured enough to learn from my past and never hurt others like I have. And to those I have hurt, I can only offer you my humblest and most sincere apology and hope you'd forgive me someday.
So bro, no I would not do things differently. I wish there was an easier way to go about it cause I would never want to feel such pain or be the cause of it, but there is no other way for me to have learned.
